I think I’ve lost count of the number of times I have started writing this blog. I have versions and versions of this, written over a period of 2 years, all reflecting what I was feeling at that point in time. Every version reflecting how I wanted to approach this very difficult topic. Theres the angry, resentful version, the revenge version, the bittersweet version, the spiritual version, and then finally the reflective one, the one that gives my experience purpose. Well perhaps the reflective one is not just one, but rather a series of the journey of discovery about where my professional coaching journey should begin.
It has been two years since I left my corporate job, and I am only publishing my first blog article now, That’s because these past two years have been one of the most challenging periods of my life. I have spent this time trying to truly understand who I am without the validation and identity that comes with a corporate title. This process has been anything but easy, but it has given me valuable insights that I hope will resonate with those on similar paths.
Ultimately, I had to choose between my health and continuing a four-year struggle at work to retain my job and dignity—a battle I came to realise I couldn't win. Every attempt to seek help for the very blatant workplace bullying I was experiencing, including HR complaints, medical reports, wellness programs, and even a labour lawyer, led nowhere. Remaining in the organisation meant following processes that didn't address my concerns, and speaking out only made things worse. Leaving was the only viable solution. I didn’t have the strength to continue. I will write more on this topic in future blog posts.
In these 2 years, I have dug deep into my faith as a Hindu to find the answers that I was seeking. It has taken me a really long time to get to this place where I am ready to share my lessons and coach others to overcome whatever type of situation they have faced or are facing in the workplace or personally. Through my journey of introspection over these past 2 years, even though it was an instance of workplace bullying that left me with severe PTSD and other health complications, the problems that exist in our lives, the situations that exist and why we tolerate them or keep experiencing them can almost always be linked to some trait within our personality that keeps us stuck. We tend to find ourselves in repeating patterns. Unless we get to the root cause of why this is happening to us, I don’t believe that we will heal or recover from it.
I want to tell you how I got here. For the first 6 months or so after leaving corporate, I was ok, just concentrating on my retail business, I did intend to start up my coaching and reiki practice at some point. How I was going to get there, how I was going to position myself in the space was not really something I thought about.
I knew my path lay in healing. And I knew that there were a lot of people struggling with things that people didn’t want to speak about or preferred to ignore existed. Mental health and workplace bullying being the two subjects that affected me the most. But I turned my back on what I was supposed to be doing, I was suffering from severe PTSD, I had lost my confidence because of what had happened, I just felt hopeless.
Why am I telling you this? Why didn’t I just market myself as a coach?
If you know me at all, you'd recognise that I deeply value authenticity, honesty, and addressing topics that others tend to avoid. I’d like to make use of an old but powerful phrase to summarise the type of person that I am – “Speak even if your voice shakes…” I placed the blame on myself for what happened. What I viewed as courage was being perceived as something else entirely and I wasn’t sure anymore that I had behaved courageously. Something I considered one of my strengths suddenly became a weakness and I struggled to redeem myself in front of those that mattered the most to me. I felt as though I had let them down. I was the reason my family was so worried, I had gone far enough this time to cause all this disruption in our lives. What was the point of speaking out about what was happening? It was my family that bore the brunt of this ultimately. Slowly I started to recognise the patterns that were emerging in my life. It extended far beyond the corporate world, and I needed to acknowledge that.
I often gave in to others, advocating for myself only until things became too difficult. Instead of causing stress or loss for others, I chose the path of least resistance and did what was expected. Managers used tactics like diplomacy and manipulation, while others relied on guilt, and I hesitated to stand up for myself if it meant someone else might be affected by something I was doing.
I’ve wanted to speak out about what happened but I was afraid of the backlash. I ran from it for a long time. Until I began to meet people over and over again who had been through exactly what I had been through. The small business community is full of people who had worked in corporate before, who had been through the same thing that I had been through, left and started up their own businesses. I heard the story over and over again. It made me feel sane. I thought I was losing my mind but hearing what everybody else had been through reassured me that I was in fact not losing my mind, this was happening to others, and there was a process to work people out of their jobs. It turns out that the system wasn’t broken, it was built that way.
The process of studying to become a coach required in-depth work on myself. I remember feeling both challenged and awakened as I learned to identify my emotional triggers—certain words, tones, and situations that would instantly send me into self-doubt or defensiveness. Through guided reflection and honest self-assessment, I began to notice patterns in my reactions, realising how often old wounds shaped my responses to new situations. This deepened self-awareness brought clarity and a sense of empowerment, enabling me to approach difficulties with more compassion and understanding for myself.
For a while, I was in a good space, steadily working through situations that had previously left me feeling stuck or overwhelmed. But that stability was shaken when the workplace bullying escalated. The subtle undermining turned into overt exclusion, harsh criticism, and moments that left me feeling invisible and powerless. Even with the tools I’d gained from my coaching studies, I often felt isolated and overwhelmed, questioning whether my efforts to heal were enough to withstand the relentless negativity around me. The stress was so intense that it pushed me into survival mode, where just getting through the day became my primary focus.
Over the past two years, I found that I could only process this experience from a religious and spiritual perspective. Trying to make sense of the situation from a purely worldly viewpoint left me with nothing but resentment and bitterness. Turning to my faith, however, brought a sense of comfort and purpose. Through prayer, reflection, and spiritual practice, I began to reframe the pain—not as a sign of failure, but as an invitation to deepen my resilience and seek meaning beyond the immediate hurt. My spiritual beliefs reminded me that suffering can be transformative and that I have the strength to rise above adversity. This perspective didn’t erase the hardship, but it gave me hope, reminding me that even in the darkest moments, there is an opportunity for growth and healing.
Listening to Sadhvi Bhagawati Saraswati, a Guru from India, has become a ritual for me. I knew the type of person I was I spent 20 years in the corporate environment. I knew how the system worked, but something within me simply wouldn’t comply with the rules of that system. I couldn’t articulate it until the other evening when I started listening to the livestream again. Sadhviji said, “Spirituality is not separate from our daily lives. The idea of my separation between my spiritual practice and the rest of my life is not supposed to be there. Whatever we are doing in the day, working, cooking, spending time with our families, even the mundane things, are always supposed to be infused with spirituality.”
Hinduism is a way of life; I grew up in a community that lived Hinduism. Sure, there were some toxic traits as with everything. Nothing is perfect. However, the one thing that I noticed growing up in this community was that everybody gave back to each other in some way. There was no clear boundary between work and family. People took care of each other. This was the frame of reference I had when I left my home and community to start work in Johannesburg, in corporate. I had no reason to believe things would be any different. How could I have known that? I entered the workplace, in a different town, with different people and cultures, thinking that things would work exactly as they did back home.
I tried to build that same sense of community but living in the big city and working in corporate leaves little time for anything else. I tried to build that community and support within my workplaces too, I believed that people would have my back, however, it seemed the people I worked with saw this as a weakness in me and used it to their advantage, to gather information about me and then eventually use it to work me out of my job. I learnt the hard way that there are no friends at work. I know some of you are thinking that I should have known that. I did know that, but it is not in my nature to mistrust people unless they give me a reason to.
I worked for the leadership and coaching hub of the company, where we not supposed to live the qualities of what true leadership entailed? We put out learning and coaching programmes that taught empathy, building trust, that there was power in your vulnerabilities. We had entire departments within the organisation that focused on employee wellness, diversity, inclusion and that regularly gave input into our leadership programmes. I eventually realised what a façade it all was. They would not help you if it would not benefit the organisation in some way. If you were going to cost the organisation money because you required more support than an average employee, you had to go. You became a liability.
Wherever you go, there you are…
For the longest time I berated myself for being so naïve, so stupid. I had worked in corporate environments for most of my adult life, what was wrong with me? It really doesn’t matter what you are doing, there are certain patterns that keep following you. Some help you and some just hold you back. We find these patterns in all areas of our lives, whether we are working in corporate, running our own businesses, in our personal relationships. They present everywhere in different forms, however if you dig deep enough, you will most likely trace the source back to the same place or places.
When I speak about patterns that hold you back, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a toxic trait. One of the most profound patterns I have recognised in my life is how often I gave away my power to others, without even realising it. Looking back, my childhood was marked by persistent bullying and degradation, leaving me with a deep-seated belief that there was something inherently wrong with me. I remember vivid moments, like being excluded from a conversation my ‘friend group’ was having because it was a secret I couldn’t hear. At family gatherings, I’d overhear my cousins excitedly planning a group outing, only to be told that I couldn’t go along because I was “a troublesome child.”
As a child, I learned to become submissive in hopes of being included. I did what I could to avoid further isolation, believing that compliance was the only way to be accepted. These experiences in childhood shaped how I responded to similar situations as an adult, especially in the workplace. That need to belong, to avoid confrontation, followed me like a shadow. The same triggers resurfaced: being left out of work meetings, not being copied in on important emails, or watching colleagues gather for impromptu discussions while I remained at my desk, invisible.
However, there was a turning point—a moment of realisation that began to shift my perspective. I started to see these recurring patterns for what they were: echoes of a learned belief that I didn’t belong unless I complied. Recognising this pattern has helped me start to challenge these beliefs and reclaim my sense of self-worth. For example, I began to assert my opinions in meetings, hold people accountable, question the way things were being done, asking questions about why I wasn’t included on emails or meetings that were necessary for me to do my job. It worked for me where I was a valued member of the team, and an action wasn’t a deliberate attempt to exclude me and didn’t were there was clearly an agenda to sabotage.
I have realized that achieving success often depends not only on our own efforts but also on whether others are willing to support and see us succeed, especially in collaborative environments. For instance, in the workplace, having a supportive manager or team can make a significant difference in reaching your goals, as their encouragement and willingness to provide opportunities can help you grow and advance. This dynamic shows that our achievements are sometimes shaped by the attitudes and actions of those around us. I have found that this is the case in any workplace and even if you run you own business.
Healing, I’ve realised, is an ongoing journey. Each time I feel the urge to shrink back, I remind myself of those lonely lunches and family outings where I was left behind—not as a way to dwell in the past, but as motivation to break the cycle. Through self-reflection, therapy, and seeking out supportive communities, I am learning to rewrite my story. The process is gradual, and setbacks still happen, but I am committed to choosing growth over fear. If you, too, recognise these patterns in your own life, know that you are not alone. There is hope in awareness, strength in vulnerability, and possibility in every step toward healing.
If you’re reading this and find yourself facing similar challenges, I invite you to reflect on your own patterns and consider reaching out for support. You don’t have to navigate these struggles alone—healing and growth are possible, and I’m here to help guide you on that journey.
My offering includes but is not limited to those who:
· Believe that they are in any type of bullying situation – workplace or personal.
· School leavers, university students and young professionals who are about the enter the workplace or have entered the workplace and are having trouble adjusting to their environments.
· Want to transition from one career to another.
· Need help finding themselves again after a traumatic experience.
Terrisha Singh
Contact Mobile: +27645032880 | Email: info@terrisingh.com| Website: https://www.terrisingh.com/
Qualifications:
P. Dip Coaching (SACAP 2023)
Professional Certified Coach (PCC) Equivalent Qualification, NQF Level 8, Accredited Coach Training Programme (ACTP) of 193 hours
International Coaching Federation (ICF) and Coaches and Mentors of South African (COMENSA) certified qualification
BSocSci (UKZN 2002) (Psychology, Human Resource Management)